How to Handle Stealing: The Ultimate Guide for Parents and Au Pairs
Discovering that a child has taken something that isn’t theirs, like a crayon from school, a toy from a playdate, or something from a friend’s house, can feel awkward or upsetting.
As parents, au pairs, and babysitters, you’re often the one who notices: during pickup, unpacking a schoolbag, or bedtime.
This guide will help you respond calmly, teach important lessons, and build trust with the child in your care.
Why Do Children Take Things That Aren’t Theirs?
Children don’t take things because they’re “bad.” Often it’s:
✅ Curiosity (2–5 years): Not understanding ownership yet.
✅ Impulse or Desire (5–8 years): Acting without thinking.
✅ Peer Pressure (7–12 years): Wanting to fit in or show off.
✅ Emotional Needs: Keeping a “souvenir” or seeking comfort.
✅ Social Media Influence: Online challenges making it seem “funny” or “cool.”
Real-Life Scenarios You Might Face
✔️ An au pair sees a child slip a pencil case into their bag at school.
✔️ A child proudly shows you a toy they “found” at a friend’s house.
✔️ You find an unfamiliar trinket in their backpack after a sleepover.
These are common, and need a calm and thoughtful response.
How to Handle It in the Moment
1️⃣ Stay Calm and Gentle
-
Avoid yelling or shaming.
-
Speak privately.
2️⃣ Use Neutral Questions
-
“I see this in your bag, where did it come from?”
-
“Is this yours or does it belong to someone else?”
3️⃣ Wait for Honesty
-
Children will often tell the truth if they feel safe.
4️⃣ Praise Their Truthfulness
-
“Thank you for being honest.”
5️⃣ Guide Returning It
-
Offer to help them return it.
-
Coach what to say: “I’m sorry. This is yours.”
What If You Discover It Later?
✅ Stay Calm
-
Don’t scold in front of others.
✅ Start a Private Chat
-
“I found this in your bag. Can you tell me about it?”
✅ Listen Without Judgment
-
Encourage them to explain.
✅ Teach Empathy
-
“How might your friend feel if they lost this?”
✅ Plan to Return It Together
-
Contact the friend’s family or teacher.
-
Help them apologise.
✅ Praise Making It Right
-
“I’m proud you’re fixing this.”
Conversation Scripts for Parents and Au Pairs
✅ For Younger Kids (2–5):
-
“This belongs to our friend. Let’s give it back.”
-
“We’re kind by returning things.”
✅ Primary Age (6–10):
-
“Can you tell me how this came home with us?”
-
“How do you think your friend feels?”
-
“How can we fix this?”
✅ Older Kids/Tweens:
-
“Did someone dare you to take it?”
-
“Do you feel like you had to so you’d fit in?”
-
“What’s the best way to make this right?”
Behaviour Patterns to Watch For
✔️ Repeated incidents
✔️ Lying about small things
✔️ Unexplained new items
✔️ Secretive behavior
✔️ Big emotional changes (moving, new sibling)
💡 If these appear often, talk with parents about getting extra support.
How to Help Children Make It Right
✅ Return the item together.
✅ Help them apologise in person or with a note.
✅ Emphasise fixing the mistake, not punishment.
✅ Praise their bravery in making amends.
“It’s hard to admit when we mess up. I’m proud you’re doing the right thing.”
Peer Pressure and Social Media Challenges
✅ Role-play responses:
“What would you say if a friend told you to take something?”
✅ Talk about online trends:
“Some videos make stealing look funny, but it hurts people.”
✅ Keep communication open:
“What would you do if someone dared you to steal?”
“Have you seen anything online that worries you?”
What Should Au Pairs and Babysitters Do?
✅ Stay calm and supportive.
✅ Speak privately with the child.
✅ Let them talk about why.
✅ Communicate with parents calmly and clearly.
✅ Suggest returning the item together.
✅ Model respect, honesty, and empathy.
When to Seek Extra Help
✔️ Stealing is frequent or escalating
✔️ The child seems anxious or secretive
✔️ Major life changes (divorce, move, new sibling)
✔️ Emotional struggles
💡 Professional help (school counsellor, psychologist) can make a big difference.
How-To Steps for Parents and Au Pairs
Step 1: Stay calm. Don’t accuse harshly.
Step 2: Speak privately and ask neutral questions.
Step 3: Listen without interrupting.
Step 4: Teach empathy and why stealing hurts others.
Step 5: Plan together to return the item and apologise.
Step 6: Praise honesty and making it right.
Step 7: Watch for patterns or emotional triggers.
✅ FAQ
Q: Why do kids steal from friends or school?
Children might be curious, impulsive, jealous, or trying to fit in. They don’t always understand ownership.
Q: How should I talk to my child about stealing?
Stay calm, ask open-ended questions, avoid shaming, and teach empathy.
Q: What if my child stole at a playdate or sleepover?
Help them return it. Call the other parent. Guide them to apologise.
Q: Should au pairs tell parents if they discover stealing?
Yes. Communicate calmly and honestly. Help the family handle returning the item together.
Final Thoughts: Teaching Honesty with Care
Stealing can be an uncomfortable parenting moment, but it’s also a powerful teaching opportunity.
✅ Calm, gentle guidance shows kids honesty matters.
✅ Returning items teaches responsibility and empathy.
✅ Staying open helps children trust you when they make mistakes.
Together, parents and caregivers can help children grow into honest, kind, respectful adults.
Need Extra Help with Childcare?
The Au Pair Club is here for you.
👉 Create Your Family Profile to find caring, trained au pairs and babysitters who know how to guide children through important life lessons.
Or, if you’re an au pair wanting to learn more about child behaviour, positive discipline, and real-life strategies, check out our Online Au Pair Academy. 🌎
We have excellent reviews from au pairs worldwide, and plenty of reasons to join, even if you’re experienced.
Learn new techniques, boost your skills, and make a real difference for the families you care for.
